[EPISODE BEGINS WITH A PARODY OF THE SIMPSONS INTRO, IT STARTS WITH MASON YALE IN HIS HOUSE. HE IS EXPERIMENTING ON A FUEL ROD, BEFORE HE HAS TO GO TO WORK AND DRIVE IN HIS CAR, PARKING NEAR MT A.R.F.G.U.S AND ENTERS THE BUILDING, BEFORE RUSHING THE BATHROOM]
Mason Yale: Oh my GOSH! I have to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW!
[MASON YALE ENTERS THE BATHROOM, WHILE SITTING ON THE TOILET, PETEY CALLS MASON YALE, WHILE A LOUD RAP SONG BLARES FROM THE PHONE]
Mason Yale: Yeesh, what is it?
Petey: You got to go on the lectern RIGHT NOW! We are having a meeting with all the agents.
Mason Yale: Okay, I will come.
[CUTS TO MASON YALE, WALKING UP TO THE LECTERN ON STAGE]
Mason Yale: Alright everyone, I got a few announcements to make.
Paranoid Agent: I knew it…A.R.F.G.U.S HAS DISBANDED! *He screams, before running away and jumping out of a window*
Mason Yale: NO! A.R.F.G.U.S has not disbanded. We are going to experience some leadership changes-
Ex Mayor: We will listen to YOU when you stop being so late to work and get into your office! In fact Mason, this whole meeting is stupid, I’m still technically the leader of A.R.F.G.U.S anyways! So I demand you to make us money to help stop supa threats-
Mason Yale: One, I have not been one second late every day, and also JUST SHUT UP!!!!
Ex Mayor: I did nothing wrong.
Mason Yale: Whatever you say JESSICA JOHNSON! While you thought you had been in all so dear control, me, the agents, and the T-Rex Corps SNAPPED. So we allowed Petey to become the boss of A.R.F.G.U.S!
Ex Mayor: You can’t do this to me! I have done so much!
Mason Yale: Well given that Petey is both mayor and the new leader, I think we have to let you go. GET OUT!
[EX MAYOR LEAVES]
Mason Yale: So uh…Go wild with partying or whatever.
[EVERYONE GOES WILD, SHOOTING GUNS, YELLING, ETC]
Captain Rexx: How about we throw a party!
Mason Yale: After all that insanity from yesterday, I’m fine with a party! You make the burgers, Hudson sets of the decorations, Frisk sends out invitations, and Lance gets a new leg.
Agent Lance: I DON’T NEED A NEW LEG! *Walks away with a singular leg*
[CUTS TO PETEY IN HIS OFFICE WITH BLANK SLATE]
Blank Slate: Hello Peterson, how are your mayoral duties doing right now.
Petey: They are doing alright, just need to build the farms, which should be done soon.
Blank Slate; How so?
Petey: Because they will work all day and night.
Blank Slate: Okay…Well anywho, I got another thing in the merging realities plot we can do. You see, the country of Paraguay doesn’t exist in the Knightmare universe. So we might have to nuke it.
Petey: Well, I have something to do. I’m not complaining!
Blank Slate: So then send out a bunch of nukes.
Petey: The thing is we can’t! If we do randomly, the government will be against us and for all we know, Dogman might bust us immediately.
Blank Slate: Well just make up a story, a case that the cops can investigate while you try to blow up Paraguay.
Petey: Hmm…Maybe we claim that a mysterious cult who worships a demon has been recently discovered. Their plan: To have the demon and the cultists overthrow the world! It’s perfect!
Blank Slate: Okay, I will send the report and we can get on going!
[CUTS TO BLANK SLATE SENDING A MESSAGE ABOUT THE “CASE” TO A.R.F.G.U.S]
Agent Isaac: Huh, this seems very familiar. HEY FRISK! THEY SAID THAT A CULT HAS BEEN SPOTTED, GET THE COPS!
Agent Frisk: Can’t we get the agents?
Agent Isaac: I really, REALLY WANT TO GO ON THIS MISSION! I HAVE WANTED TO STOP A CULT FOR A LONG TIME!
Agent Frisk: Fine…You can work with them, also what are the other agents doing anyway?
Agent Isaac: Well…
[CUTS TO A BUNCH OF AGENTS WITH BURGERS]
Agent Hudson: My burger has a full tomato! How does that even happen?
Agent Horace: You got to be kidding me? How many cheese slices are in this burger?
Agent Chester: My burger is literally a planet.
Agent Bruce: Look at this…MY BURGER IS BASICALLY A ROCK!
Agent Lance: Oh great…My burger has milk in it. I will get drunk!
Captain Rexx: Oh that’s not milk…at least from a cow.
[AGENT LANCE LOOKS AT THE HALF EATEN BURGER IN DISGUST]
[CUTS TO VICTOR AND SARAH HATOFF SITTING ON A COUCH, VICTOR LOOKING TERRIFIED]
Victor: Sarah…That movie scared me!
Sarah Hatoff: It’s a movie about a cult of kids, you could probably punt them all!
Victor: But the kids would be vicious! You don’t understand. WE MUST PREPARE AGAINST “HE WHO WALKS BEHIND THE ROWS”!
Sarah Hatoff: Whatever you say Victor.
[VICTOR RUNS OVER TO THE COPS OFFICE]
Chief: You know…weird how nothing crazy has happened.
Dogman: Bark?
Chief: Like ever since Petey got elected all of one day ago, it’s been weirdly peaceful, maybe this city can finally be-
[VICTOR BANGS ON THE DOOR FURIOUSLY]
Dogman: Ruff? *Walks up and opens door, shocked by Victor*
Victor: MOVE DOGGIE! CHIEF WHATHISNAME! I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOU HELP!
Chief: Why are you desperate, you literally have killed 1738 people, directly or indirectly.
Victor: THAT’S NOT THE POINT! THEY ARE COMING!
Dogman: *Schoffs* Ruff!
[ANOTHER PERSON KNOCKS ON THE DOOR, DOGMAN OPENS IT, REVEALING A.R.F.G.U.S AGENTS]
Agent Frisk: Hello Dogman, we are here to tell you something.
Victor: HOLY CRAP! IT’S THEM! THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN! *Shoots three agents dead, injuring Frisk as well*
Agent Frisk: OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR! I AM AN AGENT OF A.R.F.G.U.S! J-Just come with me.
[CUTS TO THE FOUR IN A ROOM TOGETHER]
Dogman: Bark?
Agent Frisk: We need you because this is a dire situation! We have gotten reports from Petey himself that a cult has been spotted performing rituals and buying illegal products. Their goal: To summon a demon to kill us all!
Chief: Do we really believe them? What are the chances of this demon god they worship being real?
Victor: You are in the same room as a half dog and man hybrid and only NOW do you question the logic of this town?
Agent Frisk: I will send you three, alongside Agent Issac with you.
Agent Isaac: Oh hey…I’m working with Mr. Looney Tunes and the cops.
Victor: I like this guy!
Agent Isaac: By the way…YOU are the Mr. Looney Tunes.
Victor: WHY YOU LITTLE-
Agent Isaac: I dare you to, I have the right to send you to a prison for your entire life.
Agent Frisk: AS I WAS SAYING! Dogman and Chief will go to an illegal van, while Victor and Agent Issac investigate a local barn. I will send you guys a text when it’s time to return. Got it?
Agent Isaac: Got it. Now let me escort Looney Tunes.
Victor: STOP WITH THE NA-
Agent Isaac: Yeesh, I will give you a dollar-store gift card if you just shut up already.
[CUTS TO PETEY AND BLANK SLATE IN THE OFFICE]
Petey: *On phone* WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY FORM TO GO TO WAR WITH PARAGUAY HAS BEEN REJECTED!
[PHONE PERSON JABBERS]
Petey: IT WAS LEGIT! SIGNED IN RED INK!
[PHONE PERSON JABBERS MORE]
Petey: Ugh, forget it *Hangs up* What do I do when it gets rejected?
Blank Slate: Simple, we got to the United Nations and explain our idea.
Petey: Huh, this will be very easy…Almost too easy.
Blank Slate: Oh trust me…IT WON’T! Also here is a candy bar.
Petey: Thanks!
Blank Slate: I should mention that it is fifteen years old.
Petey: *Looks quizzy* Why would you give me this?
Blank Slate: Ungrateful.
[CUTS TO DOGMAN AND CHIEF OUTSIDE OF AN ILLEGAL VAN]
Chief: Okay Dogman, seems like someone will be buying from this sketchy van…Likely for their cultish activities. When you see someone buying something, jump out and attack them!
Dogman: BARK!
[A PERSON WALKS UP TO THE VAN]
Hobo Johnson: Excuse me man? Can I have a-
Dogman: BARK BARK, Grr!
[DOGMAN CHASES HOBO JOHNSON]
Hobo Johnson: STOP! STOP! STOP CHASING ME!
[DOGMAN TACKLES HOBO JOHNSON]
Chief: Alright, let’s see what you got!
[CHIEF CHECKS HOBO JOHNSON’S TRENCH COAT]
Chief: What the? Deodorant?
Hobo Johnson: Was it really worth it?
Dogman: *Whimpers*
Chief: Oh…That’s odd? Maybe Frisk got them mixed up? You never know.
[CUTS TO VICTOR AND AGENT ISSAC INSIDE THE BARN]
Victor: Okay, what are signs this place is cult like?
Agent Isaac: Okay rule number 1: Cult members never reveal anything, and I mean ANYTHING!
Victor: Is there anyone nearby?
Agent Isaac: Maybe your a Cult member, you don’t reveal anything about your per-
Victor: NO ONE ASKED YOU!
Agent Isaac: Okay, someone needs to take some chill pills, want some?
Victor: No-Wait? Who is that guy?
[HOBO JOHNSON WALKS BY]
Agent Isaac: GET THAT OLD MAN AND BEAT THE LIVING PULP OUT OF HIM UNTIL HE REVEALS THE SECRETS!
[THE TWO RUN TO HOBO JOHNSON AND PUNCH HIM]
Hobo Johnson: COME ON! WHAT IS IT NOW?
Victor: TELL US THE CULT SECRET!
Hobo Johnson: I AM NOT A CULT MEMBER.
Agent Isaac: That means he is!
Victor: TELL ME OR I KILL YOU!
Hobo Johnson: SHUT UP OKAY? *Pulls a gun out of Victor’s coat, shooting Victor instantly*
Agent Isaac: Lol! That was freakin sweet!
Victor: NO ONE ASKED YOU ISSAC!
[CUTS TO A.R.F.G.U.S HAVING A PARTY, ALL THE AGENTS LINED UP IN THE SAME AUDITORIUM]
Mason Yale: Alright everyone! YOU READY FOR THE GREATEST PARTY OF ALL TIME?
[THE AUDIENCE SCREAMS IN EXCITEMENT]
Mason Yale: WELL HERE YOU GO!
[THE ROOM’S LIGHTS TURN OFF, RAINBOW, NEON STROPE LIGHTS FLASH ACROSS THE ROOM, EVERYONE STARTS WHISPERING]
[A EPIC RAP BEAT STARTS UP]
[SONG: A SONG ABOUT MANLY MEN]
[LANCE ENTERS THE STAGE, IN A BLINGED OUT A.R.F.G.U.S SUIT]
[Lance: We are too silly to make a move]
[But pretty rad to have a groove]
[However we still have to prove]
[That we disapprove]
[Of all those evil criminals]
[We will stop them, we are original]
[CHOURUS: A.R.F.G.U.S]
[COME ON LET’S GO, THIS IS A SONG ABOUT MANLY MEN]
[WE HAVE NO ONE NAMED BEN]
[BUT WE HAVE A HEN]
[COME ON LET’S GO, THIS IS A SONG ABOUT MANLY MEN]
[WE HAVE NO ONE NAMED BEN]
[BUT WE HAVE A HEN]
[AGENT FRISK HOPS ON STAGE]
[Agent Frisk: FIRSKY TIME]
[I BEAT EM LIKE A MAN]
[CRUNCH THEM LIKE A CAN]
[SEE TOLD ME NO]
[THAT MADE MY LEG GROW]
[SOMETIMES I GET INJURED]
[USUALLY WHEN I’M IN DANGER]
[SEEMS OBVIOUS]
[BUT SOMETIMES IT IS NOT]
[FROM THE EAST COAST, I ROUGHEN UP]
[I ALWAYS DRINK FROM MY HANDS, NO CUP]
[I HATED MR. KRUPP]
[HE WAS A VERY CRAZY GRUMP]
[I AM SUPER FAR]
[MY CAREER IS ON PAR]
[WITH THE GREATEST AGENTS]
[I’M BETTER THAN MASON YALE]
[CAPTAIN REXX FLIES ON THE STAGE]
[Captain Rexx: I’M A GOODCREATOR]
[My raps stronger then a gator]
[Petey where my car at]
[I’ll hit you with a bat]
[I have been dumb]
[Since I have sucked my thumb]
[But I don’t care]
[I have the strength of a bear]
[IN FACT I-[CUTS OUT AN EXTREMELY VILE AND HATFUL PART OF THE SONG]
Mason Yale: Gosh…WHY DID YOU SAY THAT REXX?
[THAT’S WHY I HATE]
[DISTANTS LAUGHES CAN BE HEARD]
[CHOURUS: A.R.F.G.U.S]
[COME ON LET’S GO, THIS IS A SONG ABOUT MANLY MEN]
[WE HAVE NO ONE NAMED BEN]
[BUT WE HAVE A HEN]
[COME ON LET’S GO, THIS IS A SONG ABOUT MANLY MEN]
[WE HAVE NO ONE NAMED BEN]
[BUT WE HAVE A HEN]
[THE RAP ENDS]
Agent Hudson: Wow…That was CRAZY! What now?
Mason Yale: Well… We can still party.
[LANCE, HUDSON, FRISK, REXX, AND YALE ALL CROWD SURF, CUTS TO PETEY WITH THE UN]
UN Guy: So let me get this straight: You want to start war with Paraguay despite them doing NOTHING WRONG?
Petey: Yep, so can you allow us to go to war.
UN Guy: Us? What do you mean by us? YOU are the one who wants to go to war, the reason war forms even exist in your town is because we don’t trust you guys with war.
Petey: Well…Uh…I must say-
Blank Slate: WHOEVER DOESN’T SIGN THE FORM TO LET US GO TO WAR IS A PUSSYCAT!
UN Guy: Nevermind, you can go to war with them.
Petey: YES! Come on Blake Slattery, let’s go fight Paraguay.
[CUTS TO VICTOR AND AGENT ISSAC BACK IN THE BARN]
Victor: What else do we need to find?
Agent Isaac: We also have to find symbols of the cult, it could be anything-
Victor: Like this milk company logo?
Agent Isaac: Oh…Well that’s all I got.
[THEY GET A BEEP FROM THEIR PHONE]
Agent Issac: Hello Undertale, how are you?
Agent Frisk: Okay, we need you to return to MT. A.R.F.G.U.S right now?
Agent Issac: Because the party you didn’t invite me to has concluded?
Agent Frisk: NO! But weren’t you the guy who frantically volunteered to go on the mission?
Agent Issac: NO! But we will come back.
[CUTS TO DOGMAN, CHIEF, VICTOR, AND AGENT ISSAC AT MT A.R.F.G.U.S]
Agent Frisk: So what did you guys find?
Dogman: Bark.
Victor: Nothing.
Agent Issac: Agreed with Looney Tunes.
Chief: Zilch.
Agent Frisk: Huh, this is odd? Maybe I could call Petey and tell him about it.
[PETEY GETS THE CALL FROM AGENT FRISK]
Petey: Hello?
Agent Frisk: Uh, it appears the case is a hoax. There is no evidence that it was real in the first place.
Petey: Okay, talk to you soon, bye. *Ends call* BLANK SLATE!
Blank Slate: What is it?
Petey: They have found out the cult thing is a hoax. What do we do?
Blank Slate: I don’t know, what is something that will occupy them for the rest of the day?
Show Tune Robot 1: I’ll tell you what, we found this thing in a junkyard, explain it boys!
Show Tune Robots: Do Wa Sho Wa, Sloup a Moup a Loup, double crup.
Show Tune Robot 1: THis machine can revive anyone!
Show Tune Robot 2,3,4: It can revive anyone!
Show Tune Robot 1: If we were lying, we would be CRYING!
Show Tune Robots: Use it on us and see if it works and we will prove you right. We trust this with our life, even if it might be the death of us. Let’s see how it works.
[THE ROBOTS STAB EACH OTHER TO DEATH]
Petey: Okay? How about you throw the parts of them into the machine.
[BLANK SLATE TAKES THE PARTS OF THE SHOW TUNE ROBOTS, BUT THE MACHINE FAILS TO WORK]
Blank Slate: I guess it was a ruse, it didn’t work.
Petey: But you can tell a lie?
Blank Slate: How so?
Petey: *Pulls out a jar filled with psychokinetic energy* LIKE THIS!
[PETEY THROWS THE JAR AT BLANK SLATE, CAUSING HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL SKIN, HAIR, AND FACE]
Blank Slate: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?
Petey: Don’t worry, I bet you it’s more mystique than anything else.
Blank Slate: Fine, let me test it out. *Transforms into Petey* See, it works!
Petey: I think I have an idea! *Tapes a message to a dove, sending it to MT A.R.F.G.U.S*
[CUTS TO THE CREW AT MT A.R.F.G.U.S]
Dogman: BARK! *Bite the Dove’s head off, the message falls from its body*. Ro?
Chief: Huh…By the looks of it, Petey is inviting us for something.
Victor: THEN LET’S GO THERE!
[DOGMAN, VICTOR, AND CHIEF ENTER THE OFFICE OF PETEY]
Petey: Ah, glad you three could show up. I have made a crazy invention.
Chief: Let me guess: The Kill-Dogman-2000.
Petey: That’s next week. But I got an invention that removes all stakes.
[PETEY REMOVES THE BLANKET FROM THE DEVICE]
Petey: THE REVIVAL DEVICE!
Dogman: Ro?
Petey: You see it works like this. First, you put some DNA in the chute. Say, Office Knight’s hair. Then you put it into the chute and!
[PETEY PUSHES A BUTTON ON THE SIDE, MACHINE JUMBLES AROUND AND THEN OFFICER KNIGHT EMERGES]
“Officer Knight”: Hello everybody!
[EVERYONE IS SHOCKED IT WORKED FOR A MOMENT]
Dogman: ROOOOOOOOO! *Jumps on Officer Knight in excitement, licking him a lot*
Officer Knight: Stop, STOP!
Chief: Welcome back Barkley.
“Officer Knight”: Hello again Ch-
Chief: You killed my wife btw.
“Officer Knight”: And there he is! Mr. Quartz.
Victor: Oh…Hey Knight.
[THE TWO SHAKE HANDS, BUT VICTOR FEELS SOMETHINGS OFF]
Victor: Huh…
“Officer Knight”: What’s the matter?
Victor: Nothing, nothing! I’m…Uhh-
Dogman: Bark?
Victor: Zip it Doggie!
Agent Isaac: Hey everybody, I picked up a pizza! You want to eat it?
Chief: No thanks.
Agent Isaac: Well it’s okay, the box is empty anyway. Would you guys like to come over to the A.R.F.G.U.S party?
“Officer Knight”: What A.R.F.G.U.S party? Also what is A.R.F.G.U.S!
[CUTS TO VICTOR AND AGENT ISAAC IN A CAR]
Victor: Ugh…I really needed to leave.
Agent Isaac: Why?
Victor: I-I don’t know. It’s just weird to see my friend be necromanced from the dead! He also feels a bit…off.
Agent Isaac: You were friends with him?
Victor: NOT FRIENDS! Just distant allies.
Agent Isaac: Are you still in denial?
Victor: Let’s switch the topic over, what’s this party.
Agent Isaac: No I lied about the party…You are going to be sacrificed by the cult.
Victor: I’m sorry? CULT! It’s real!
Agent Isaac: Come on, I said personal experience when talking about finding a cult. It was obvious.
Victor: No it wasn’t.
Agent Isaac: The fact I was so urgent to join the mission?
Victor: Nope.
Agent Isaac: Or the fact that I painted over a Dog Head to make it look like a milk bottle?
Victor: OH! So what is the deal with the cult?
Agent Isaac: Oh simple, I desperately moved all our stuff from a barn to another barn. I will sacrifice you to be a physical vessel for the one.
Victor: Oh god…YOU GUYS ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN!
Agent Isaac: No! We are the adolescents of the fields.
Victor: Also this isn’t anything new for me, I was nearly turned into a zombified corpse for another “god” . Although, I don’t think a crappy HAL 9000 knockoff would be called a “god”.
Agent Isaac: We are here.
[THE TWO GET OUT OF THE CAR, ENTERING THE BARN WITH A BUNCH OF CULT MEMBERS]
Victor: Oh my! How many members are there?
Agent Issac: About twenty.
Victor: I recognize some of these! SpeakerBox, The Two Robbers, That one scammer from the DogBro episode.
SpeakerBox: Yeah I only came here because my mom said I could get a lego set afterwards.
Dog-Bro Leader: You are a grown man, forty seven btw.
SpeakerBox: Okay, I will get myself a lego set after this.
[AGENT ISAAC AND VICTOR STAND IN THE CENTER OF THE BARN, UNDER A DEMONIC PENTAGRAM]
Agent Isaac: Okay, we are here! First up, Whatshisname and Ron will explain what's going to happen.
Robber 1: I have a name!
Robber 2: Let me guess, it’s “Rob Bur Quan” or something like this.
Robber 1: NO! MY NAME IS T-
Agent Isaac: Yeah yeah…Just sing the cult song.
Robber 1: DO!
Robber 2: WA!
SpeakerBox: SHO!
Dog-Bro Leader: WA!
Cult: *In unison* DO WA SHO WA, BA BUD CRUP SLUP MUP DUM CRUM. WE WILL SACRIFICE SOMEONE DUMB! WHO WILL IT BE, IT WON’T BE ME.
Robber 2: I want someone under the christmas tree *Robber 1 punches Robber 1*
[THE RITUAL ENDS]
Victor: That’s it? I thought I would die.
Agent Isaac: It won’t happen for a b-*Agent Isaac can’t move* Uhh…What’s up?
Victor: I can’t move either! WHAT’S GOING ON!
Agent Isaac: Oh no!
Victor: What?
[GRAINY RED AND BLACK STATIC ATTACHES THE LEGS OF AGENT ISAAC, SLOWLY CONSUMING HIS BODY]
Agent Isaac: OH NO! IT’S-IT’S!
Victor: WHO IS IT!
Agent Isaac: IT’S HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS!
Victor: Oh my! W-What will happen to me!
Agent Isaac: I DON’T KNOW! AH! AH!
[AGENT ISAAC LETS OUT A LOUD BLOOD CURTLING SCREAMS BEFORE HIS BODY BECOMES FULLY CONSUMED IN THE RED AND BLACK STATIC]
Victor: HELP! SOMEONE HELP!
Robber 2: *Whispers to Robber 1* Should we call for help?
Robber 1: Fine, I will.
[CUTS TO DOGMAN, CHIEF AND “OFFICER KNIGHT” PLAYING BASEBALL]
Chief: Okay Knight, you're up next!
[JUST BEFORE KNIGHT CAN BAT, DOGMAN GETS A CALL FROM ROBBER 1]
Dogman: Bark?
Robber 1: COME NEAR BY THE LOCAL FARM!
Dogman: Ruff! Ruff! Bark!
Robber 1: THE OTHER FARM YOU NINCOMPOOP! IT’S VERY BAD!
Dogman: Grr…Bark!
“Officer Knight”: We got to get going RIGHT NOW!
[“OFFICER KNIGHT” HOPS INTO THE POLICE CAR]
Chief: You know it’s weird how he is suddenly so urgent in trying to stop threats.
[THE THREE DRIVE TO THE BARN, CUTS TO VICTOR NEXT TO THE FULLY CONSUMED AGENT ISAAC]
Victor: What is going on with you?
[THE STATIC DISAPPEARS FROM AGENT ISAAC’S BODY, REVEALING A SCRATCHED AND BEATEN ISAAC, WITH HIS EYES GOUGING OUT]
Agent Isaac?: *In a completely monotone voice* HELLO THERE LOONEY TUNES! I AM ISAAC CLARK. A NORMAL AND WELL ADJUSTED BEING TO SOCIETY.
Victor: Uh…
Agent Isaac?: I AM HERE INTRODUCE ALL OF YOU TO MY FRIEND: HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWS!
[AGENT ISAACS HEAD OPENS UP FROM THE MOUTH, REVEALING A BROWNISH YELLOW DOG HEAD WITH RED AND EVIL EYES, COMPLETELY BREAKING AGENT ISAAC’S HEAD]
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: I WILL CONSUME ALL OF YOU! FOR A GOOD FEAST AND TO FIND IT!
Victor: OH NO! ALSO WHAT IS “IT”?
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: *Grows ten times the size of Agent Isaac’s body, destroying it* I WILL ANNIHILATE YOU!
Victor: HELP!
[DOGMAN, CHIEF, AND KNIGHT CRASH THROUGH THE DOOR]
“Officer Knight”: Don’t worry, we will sa-
[“OFFICER KNIGHT” GETS SCARED AND RUNS AWAY IMMEDIATELY]
Victor: TOLD YOU SOMETHING WAS UP WITH HIM!
Chief: Time to save you!
[CHIEF RUNS WHILE HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS TRIES TO GRAB HIM]
Chief: *Lifting up Victor* Come on! LET’S GO!
[THE THREE LEAVE THE BUILDING]
Victor: Okay, I drive the car. You two use these guns. *Gives them revolvers*
Dogman: BARK!
[THE THREE DRIVES AWAY, CUTS TO BLANK SLATE TELAPORTING INTO PETEY’S OFFICE]
Blank Slate: So it seems like your fake cult thing was REAL! Not joking.
Petey: Well where do we go?
Blank Slate: Maybe there is survival bunker somewhere-
[BLANK SLATE ACCIDENTALLY HITS A LEVER, REVEALING A SECRET ROOM]
Blank Slate and Petey: *In Unison* A SECRET ROOM!
[THE TWO WALK INTO THE SECRET ROOM, NOTCHING A LOT OF TAPES, WEAPONS AND A BUTTON SAYING “NUKE PARAGUAY”]
Petey: Huh, a lot of neat things in this room.
Blank Slate: Wonder why there is a whole button to nuke Paraguay?
Petey: I don’t know, but we can nuke it now if we wa-
[BLANK SLATE POINTS HIS FINGER (LOADED WITH PHYSCOKINETIC ENERGY) AT PETEY’S HEAD]
Blank Slate: Do it…I DARE YOU TO!
[CUTS TO DOGMAN AND CHIEF USING REVOULVERS TO SHOOTS HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS WHILE IT CHASES THEM THROUGH THE CITY]
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER! I WILL CATCH YOU, EAT YOU, AND GET IT ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Chief: What is this “It” you're talking about?
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: Actually, I have no clue.
Dogman: *Shooting He Who Barks Behind The Rows* BARK BARK BARK!
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: YOU GUYS ASKED FOR IT!
[HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS TRANSFORMS INTO A BIG CLOUD OF SMOKE THAT DESTROYS ALL BUILDINGS IN IT’S WAY]
Dogman: BARK!
Victor: I WILL GO AS FAST AS I CAN GO!
[VICTOR HITS THE GAS AS FAST AS HE CAN, CRASHING THROUGH MT A.R.F.G.U.S DURING THE PARTY]
Agents: GO MASON! GO MASON! GO MASON! GO GO!
[MASON YALE IS BREAK DANCING, UNTIL HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS ENTERS THE ROOM]
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: I WILL GET you…
[THE AGENTS STARE AT HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS]
Captain Rexx: GREAT! Look what you did!
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: What did I do Candy Cane?
Agent Mel: YOU ARE A PARTY POOPER!
[THE AGENTS YELL “PARTY POOPER, RUNNING TOWARDS HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS]
He Who Barks Behind The Rows: AH! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE HEEEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEE!
[THE AGENTS START ATTACKING HE WHO BARKS BEHIND THE ROWS, BREAKING HIM DOWN AND TEARING HIM LIMB FOR LIMB WHILE CHEERING IN VICTORY]
Agent Frisk: LET’S GO!
[THE AGENTS CHEER AND SHOOT THEIR GUNS IN CELEBRATION]
Chief: Well…At least we don’t have to deal with whatever that was.
Dogman: Bark?
Chief: Good point, where is Knight anyways?
Victor: I don’t trust him. Also, I am frankly DONE with all this chaos, so let me return. Besides, this whole day has been a bunch of hoopla!
Chief: What are you talking about?
Victor: It feels like the great RV in the sky wrote this in one sleepless night! This whole plot is incoherent!
Chief: Okay, if you continue. WE ARE GOING TO BECOME SLOWER.
Victor: Whatever, I’m going to burn down Sarah’s house.
[A PNG OF VICTOR IS DRAGGED ACROSS THE SCREEN, CUTS TO PETEY AND BLANK SLATE IN THE ROOM]
Blank Slate: I said I DARE YOU TO NUKE PARAGUAY!
Petey: I will, but why are you so determined?
Blank Slate: Because Paraguay actually exists in the Knightmare dimension! I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU HAD THE GUTS TO ACTUALLY DESTROY STUFF AND ACHIEVE THIS GOAL!
Petey: But the farms I have been making.
Blank Slate: I just wanted to see how far you would go. I only chose you because you are so lost in your goals, I could manipulate you into doing anything.
[PETEY LOOKS AT BLANK SLATE, PLUGGING BLANK SLATE’S FINGER]
Petey: Tisk, Tisk, Tisk. I am going to be real with you for a moment. I am NOT falling for your manipulation tactics. I would have fallen for this if I was naive, but I have worked with people who have backstabbed me. You may be a nearly omnipotent entity, but I will not let you just parade me like a DOLL! I AM THE LEADER OF THIS MISSION! I AM DOING THIS NOT FOR YOU! BUT BECAUSE I WANT THAT DOG”MAN” DEAD! I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! I WANT THAT DOG DEAD AND NOTHING MORE!
Petey: Yes…Yes I will nuke it! *Petey pushes the button, nuking Paraguay in the process*
Blank Slate: Wow…I’m impressed by your toughness. Didn’t think you had it in you.
Petey: You should obey me. I may seem like a coward, but I could easily make you DIE! Remeber Blank...Brain over powers!
[CUTS TO BLACK[
[START OF POST CREDIT SCENE 1]
Mason Yale: Uh! That was a crazy party!
Agent Lance: Tell me about it…I lost a leg!
Agent Hudson: Uh…You lost it a long time ago.
Agent Lance: No you ate it!
Mason Yale: How did you even lose your leg in the first place?
Agent Lance: Next time you are in a room with axes on the roof and put your legs on the table, make sure the axes don’t fall!
[END OF POST CREDIT SCENE 1]
[CUTS TO A POST APOCOLYPTIC WORLD, A MAN WALKING INTO A BAR]
Grid: *Monolog* Petey…He betrayed me, he killed my wife, my kids. I lost EVERYTHING!
[GRID SITS NEXT TO KNIGHTMARE PETEY]
Grid: Hi there Petey.
Knightmare Petey: Oh, Hi Grid. Sorry about your lo-
Grid: *Grabbing Knightmare Petey by the neck* DON’T play around with me, you killed my family.
Knightmare Petey: No I didn’t!
Grid: He looked very similar to you and claimed to be Petey? Who is he?
Knightmare Petey: Have you considered it was that one Petey that stole the Orb and killed Flippy?
Grid: OH YEAH! It was that Petey.
Knightmare Petey: Where is he from?
Grid: Presumably an alternate dimension.
[KNIGHTMARE PETEY THINKS BEFORE GETTING AN IDEA]
Knightmare Petey: I need an Eyepatch and the Orb!
[END OF POST CREDIT SCENE 2]
[END OF EPISODE]