[IT BEGINS WITH DOGMAN CHASING PETEY, DOGMAN IN A COP CAR AND PETEY WITH A BAG OF MONEY ON A MINI TANK WITH A GLOVED HAND INSTEAD OF A CANNON]
Dogman: *with megaphone* RUFF RUFF BARK!
Petey: Stop it NOW! I will take this money to fund the stuff I want!
Dogman: *Growls* RUFF!
Petey: I will never, I will push THIS to you!
[PETEY PUSHES A GIANT TNT STICK TOWARDS DOGMAN, DOGMAN JUMPS OUT OF THE CAR BEFORE IT EXPLODES, ALLOWING HIM TO THROW THE REMAINS AT THE GLOVED TANK, CAUSING IT TO EXPLODE]
Petey: Come on!
Dogman: *handcuffs Petey* RUFF!
Petey: Well RATS!
[PETEY IS BACK IN CAT JAIL]
Big Jim: HIYA PETE-
Petey: Oh Big Jim, you miscalculated splat on earth, I WILL STAB OUT YOUR INTESTI- Can you break me out?
Big Jim: Oh.
Petey: Well can you break me out???
Big Jim: NO!
Petey: WHAT? NO!
Big Jim: You are too mean to me!
Petey: Fine I don’t need you, but I will give out cupcakes to everyone.
Big Jim: Fine, I will work with you.
Petey: SWEET! Now we need more people.
Big Jim: I will get more people!
[CUTS TO BIG JIM GETTING MULTIPLE CATS FROM JAIL BY GIVING THEM CUPCAKES]
Big Jim: Here you go Tippy!
Tippy: Thanks!
Big Jim: Here you go Fluffy!
Fluffy: Thank you!
Big Jim: Here you go Mr. Whiskers!
Mr. Whiskers: Respect!
Petey: OKAY EVERYONE, TAKE THIS HELMET AND USE MR. WHISKERS AS A RAM!
Mr. Whiskers: What?
Tippy: You heard the boss, Big Jim, pick him up!
Fluffy: Come on lets go lets go!
Big Jim: HERE WE GO!!!
[THEY BATTER MR. WHISKERS INTO THE CAT JAIL WALL, BUT THE HELMET SENDS OUT A BEAM THAT CAUSES ALL CATS TO START LEVITATING AND INCREASE THE EARTH’S ROTATION, BEFORE EVERYONE PLUMMITS TO THE GROUND]
Tippy: Ouch, my back.
Fluffy: My rack of books in my cell.
Mr. Whiskers: My race car track.
Petey: Well, that didn’t work how I wanted it to. However, we can escape since Mr. Whiskers left a big enough hole in the gate for us to leave-
Warden: *Pulls out Baby Knife* DON’T YOU DARE, OTHERWISE I WILL STAB YOU-*Gets crushed to death by Big Jim*
Big Jim: What happened?
Petey: Oh nothing, but before we leave. We can access the Warden’s office.
Fluffy: Why would we do that?
Petey: Because it could have all kinds of weapons no one knows about! SECRETS TO THE UNIVERSE!
Mr. Whiskers: Okay, let’s check it ouuuuuuuuut *Mr. Whiskers slightly slips due to its increasingly faster speed*
[PETEY AND BIG JIM INVESTIGATE THE OFFICE]
Big Jim: He has a half eaten Twinkie, a GoodMaker Season 1 DVD, and a copy of “Rock Paper Scissors” he took from me!
Petey: He chopped off your hands?
Big Jim: No, the board game.
Petey: YOU PAID FOR FITZGIBBONING ROCK PAPER SCISSORS, WHY WOULD YOU-Oh, look what I found!
Big Jim: What?
Petey: Five sledgehammers, made of rock so hard, your head will explode upon impact.
Big Jim: Okay, so you're saying we use them?
Petey: Of course you dill weed.
[CUTS TO THE WARDEN’S FUNERAL]
Maude: Today we are gathered here to mourn the loss of the Warden or whatever, blah, blah, blah. This is boring as balls! WHY AM I DOING THIS? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHO HE WAS!
Dogman: *Growls in anger*
Chief: Just continue, otherwise you will lose your job.
Maude: Fine, he was a group of five cats including Petey holding sledgehammers.
Chief: Stop disrespecting-Oh wait you are right.
[CUTS TO THE FIVE MASSACRING THE PARTY, KILLING CHLOE, CHARLES, SPEAKERBOX, AND THE MAYOR]
Petey: Oh Mama! This feels so good. Big Jim: You kill Sarah and Chief, Tippy and Fluff: kill Mason and Maude. For Whiskers: kill Victor!
Mr. Whiskers: He has more respect than me though!
Dogman: BARK BARK BARK! *Kicks Mr. Whiskers in the face, knocking him out*
Petey: So you want to play? Well I will show you a GAME!
[DOGMAN DODGES PETEY’S ATTACKS BEFORE PETEY SLAMS THE HAMMER INTO ONE OF DOGMAN’S HANDS, SWIPING IT CLEAN OFF]
Dogman: ROOOOOOO!!!
Petey: HA! That game of BreaKey was fun. Let’s go around the world-and my hammer chipped a decent chunk off. Eh, this rock is easy to find.
[CUTS TO DOGMAN HOLDING THE SHARD OF HARD ROCK IN HIS OTHER HAND, LOOKING AT IT WHILE IN HOSPITAL]
Chief: Are you okay Dogman?
Dogman: *Growls and bites Chief*
Chief: Oww!
Mason Yale: *Shoves Chief* Excuse me, Dogman may I see where that shard came FROM-*The fast speed of Earth’s rotation cause Mason Yale to be flung out a window*
Captain Rexx: Okay, the nerd was trying to say that the rock thingy in your one hand, where does it come from?
[DOGMAN LOOKS AT IT AND REALIZES IT COMES FROM BRAZIL, HE TRIES TO POINT AT IT BUT ACCIDENTALLY THROWS IT AT CAPTAIN REXX’S HEAD]
Captain Rexx: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Mason Yale: *Climbing up the window and noting the shard in Dogman’s hand* Oh we have to go back to Brazil! Great, are we going to find a cube?
Captain Rexx: If you are going to complain about the travel fees, just let me punch you to Brazil.
Mason Yale: Not again-*Gets punched all the way to Brazil*
Captain Rexx: Your turn?
Dogman: *Whimpers before getting punched to Brazil*
Chief: Am I going-*Chief gets punched by Captain Rexx*
Captain Rexx: *Pulls out a phone* Yo agents, LET’S HAVE A PARTY!
[CUTS TO A GIANT BRAZIL TITLE CARD, WHERE DOGMAN, MASON YALE, AND CHIEF ALL CRASH INTO THE TITLE CARD]
Chief: Ouch, now where in this Rainforest is the same rock located?
Mason Yale: Yeah I was not here, you guys just fool around.
[DOGMAN PICKS UP THE SCENT OF OLD ROCKS AND GUIDES CHIEF AND MASON YALE TO THE DESTROYED TEMPLE OF THE ORB]
Chief: Wait? The Sledghammers are made of the same rocks as the temples?
Mason Yale: Yeah, I’m more concerned about the stone engraving of Chief’s laying dead.
Dogman: Ruff?
[HE READS IT AND NOTICES THE BRAZILLAIN]
Mason Yale: Oh, it means if Chief dies and the “Boy Band of Cat Jail” are free, the world will start going faster, and faster, until the world explodes.
Dogman: Grr?
Chief: Well I’m not dead, so why is earth revolving a lot? I won’t die-*The Earth speeds up again and flings Dogman, Chief, and Mason Yale to Mount Corcovado, with Chief splatting instantly*
Mason Yale: Oh, well how can we prevent it?
[DOGMAN IS CONFUSED UNTIL ANOTHER ROCK HITS THE MOUNTAIN]
Mason Yale: AHH!
Dogman: Bark? *Reads the rock, noticing that they have to go to Scotland to perform a ritual*
Mason Yale: Interesting? Well, let's call Captain Rexx to take us to Scotland.
[CUTS TO VARIOUS A.R.F.G.U.S AGENTS HAVING A PARTY, WITH BLANK SLATE JOINING]
Blank Slate: Oh yeah, Oh yeah. Get my dance to break, it’s my gap day, my gap day, my gap-
Captain Rexx: Who are you?
Blank Slate: Uhh, Jeffory from accounting?
Captain Rexx: Alright, here is a pack of Marlboro Reds , go wild.
Blank Slate: WOOHOO!
[THE PHONE RINGS]
Captain Rexx: Hello?
Dogman: BARK BARK BARK?!?!?!
Captain Rexx: What the heck? Is this a prank?
Mason Yale: Yeah sorry, can you transport me and Dogman to Scotland?
Captain Rexx: No way Josh, we are too busy partying!
Mason Yale: YOU MUST OBEY ME!
Captain Rexx: You aren’t in charge of me!
Mason Yale: THE MAYOR IS DEAD SO I AM IN CHARGE!
Captain Rexx: My Response to whatever you said… BABABOOEY! *The agents and Blank Slate laugh*
Mason Yale: Okay bye.
[MASON YALE HANGS UP]
Mason Yale: Ugh! Who can we get to help?
Dogman: *Gets an idea* BARK!
Mason Yale: I swear if you suggest we call Victor Stanley Quartz, I swear to George and Harold-
[CUTS TO THE NEWS STATION]
Sarah Hatoff: Hello?
Dogman: BARK BARK BARK!
Sarah Hatoff: Oh, I can totally help-
Victor: MOVE NITWIT! Yellow?
Mason Yale: Uh, just take us to Scotland.
Victor: Sure, but I will add some altercations to the challenge…
Mason Yale: Oh Lord.
[CUTS TO A MR. BEAST ESC GAME SHOW INTRO WHERE VICTOR IS HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE]
Victor: IN THIS VIDEO, I WILL FORCE DOGMAN AND MASON YALE TO WALK FROM BRAZIL TO SCOTLAND AND IF THEY STOP *Pulls out Assault Rifle* THEY WILL [BLEEP] DIE!
Dogman: Roo?
Mason Yale: Fine, we will walk.
[THE TWO WALKS THOUSANDS OF MILES IN A LONG MONTAGE WITH VICTOR POINTING A GUN AT THEIR HEADS, NO MATTER THE WEATHER, ENDING IN A GRASSY MEADOW]
Mason Yale: How…far…do…we…have-
Dogman: Grrr.
Victor: In one hundred or so miles.
Mason Yale: Can’t Petey and his boy band of criminals just sledgehammer us.
[CUTS TO THE BOY BAND OF CAT JAIL CRIMINALS WALKING AROUND THE MEADOW]
Petey: Oh this is fun! Isn’t that right Big Jim?
Big Jim: I’m actually having fun!
Mr. Whiskers: Let’s listen to some old timey music!
Show Tune Robot 3: Did somebody say!
Show Tune Robots: OLD TIMEY MUSIC!
Fluffy: Sure, let’s hear one.
Show Tune Robots 2,3,4: Do Wa Sho Wa Shoup a Nop a Group, stup a Anoup.
Show Tune Robot 1: You guys wanted to hear a-DOGMEN AND THAT ONE GUY ARE COMING!
Tippy: The hot one?
Show Tune Robot 1: No! The A.R.F.G.U.S one!
[THE SHOW TUNE ROBOTS PANICK AND LEAVE]
Mr. Whiskers: Don’t worry, I can easily defeat them.
[CUTS TO MASON YALE AND DOGMAN WALKING TOWARDS THE GROUP]
Mason Yale: Can we?
Victor: TOO BAD!
Mason Yale: Literal national threats are going to kill us!
Petey: HE IS RIGHT, WE HAVE KILLED TWENTY SEVEN PEOPLE!
Mason Yale: Please let us-*Gets head shot by Victor*
Victor: Alright, I got to get going.
[VICTOR LEAVES DOGMAN ALONE]
Tippy: GET HIM!
[THE BOY BAND OF CAT JAIL START TO TRY AND ATTACK DOGMAN]
Dogman: Grr, BARK BARK!
Tippy: You can’t defeat me!
[DOGMAN GRABS ONTO THE SLEDGEHAMMER OF TIPPY AND IS ABLE TO THROW IT AT TIPPY’S HEAD]
Tippy: AAAHHHH! *Dies*
Fluffy: FOR OUR BAND! *Gets a rusty can thrown at his head by Dogman, killing him instantly*
Big Jim and Mr. Whiskers: AAAHHH!!!
[A GUY WITH A CHAINSAW FOR AN ARM CUTS THROUGH MR. WHISKERS]
Mr. Whiskers: No…Respect *Dies*
???: That was so nice after so many years!
[CUTS TO A MONTAGE OF THE MYSTERIOUS VIGILANTE FIGHTING BIG JIM]
[CHAINSAW RIG’S THEME SONG]
[Singer: CHAINSAW RIG!]
[He is the most sharp and epic Vigilante in the world (world)]
[He will kill you no matter the crime (the crime)]
[Even if you nice to him (he will kill you!)]
[And you may ask who his name is:]
[CHAINSAW RIG]
[CHAINSAW RIG BRUTALLY CUTS OPEN BIG JIM’S BODY, SHOTS HIM, AND MANGLES HIM INTO A PILE OF MUSH]
Chainsaw Rig: I got rid of the worst character? Are you happy now? D’OH!
[GETS A BONE FROM PETEY THROWN AT HIS HEAD, REVEALING THE VIGILANTE IS VICTOR]
Dogman: Bark?
Victor: Yes, I’m a Vigilante, I can explain if I confront Petey first.
[DOGMAN TAKES VICTOR BY HIS ARM AND DRAGS HIM INTO THE FOREST]
Dogman: Ruff?
Victor: You want me to explain why I have this superhero persona thingy?
Dogman: Ruff?
Victor: Back in the day, I used this to fight crime but I “lost it in a Garage sale”. So that’s why I didn’t wear it beforehand.
Dogman: Bark?
Victor: Yeah, I take crime seriously! If someone tries to attack me at Disney World, I will obviously get revenge on them. You think if I point a gun at someone’s head and blast it into pieces or impale them with a sword and kick them off a castle, you think I enjoy it?
Dogman: Grr?
Victor: *Thinking for a second before laughing* Well it does, HAHA!
[DOGMAN RUNS AWAY INSTANTLY]
Victor: Oh, hehe. Run away Doggie.
[DOGMAN CLIMBS THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN SCOTLAND]
Victor: Yeesh, I can’t believe we walked god knows how long till we got to a well.
Dogman: Bark?
Victor: Oh we are supposed to perform a ritual so you can prevent the earth from rotating MORE!
[EARTH STARTS TO RAPIDLY ROTATE AND WON’T STOP]
Victor: OH GREAT! WE ARE TURNING SO FAST, WELL WE FIRST GOT TO GET RID OF YOUR OWN HAND!
[CUTS OFF DOGMAN’S OTHER HAND]
Dogman: ROOOOO!!!
Victor: And then you got to jump to the bottom of the well!
[VICTOR PUSHES DOGMAN DOWN THE WELL, WHERE IT CUTS TO BLACK WHEN DOGMAN HITS THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL BEFORE CUTTING TO DOGMAN AT THE BOTTOM]
Dogman: Bark, Bark? Where am I-
[DOGMAN COVERS HIS MOUTH]
Dogman: I can talk? Hehe! This is cracking me up!
[DOGMAN’S EYES GROW BIGGER AND HE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA]
Dogman: HeHe! Thank you all for the award for best comedian of all time!
Hallucination Man: SAY A JOKE!
Dogman: What is a cow with no legs called? Ground beef!
[THE AUDIENCE TURNS INTO CRICKETS]
Hallucination Cricket: BURN THIS GUY INTO BRAUTWERST!
[THE HALLUCINATION CRICKETS WALK UP TO DOGMAN AND PUSH HIM INTO A MEAT GRINDER]
Dogman: *Waking up at a wedding ceremony*
Hallucination Reverend: Do you take this Dog to be your husband?
Hallucination Brautwerst: I do!
Hallucination Reverend: And do you, Dogman, take this Brautwerst as your wife?
Dogman: I DO!
Hallucination Reverend: I pronounce you: Sausage and Hybrid.
[THE TWO KISS BEFORE THE BRAUTWERST DISSOLVES AND SENDS DOGMAN INTO A PANICK, DOGMAN HOLD A RAZOR IN HIS MOUTH TRYING TO RELEASE THE DEMONS]
Dogman: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME REALITY! IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY DOG HEAD I WILL CUT IT OFF.
[A MYSTERIOUS BUMBLEBEE MAN HYBRID WITH A GREEN HAT, WHITE SHIRT, AND BLACK PANTS PULLS OUT A PISTOL AND SHOTS DOGMAN, TAKING HIM TO A WEIRD WORLD]
Dogman: Where am I?
???: You are in the afterlife, a place where everyone who dies gets to relax.
Dogman: So like everyone is here?
???: Pretty much.
Dogman: But who the heck are you?
???: Well I am the creator of the universe, you can call me RV for short.
Dogman: Okay RV, can we have a talk in your office or whatnot?
RV: You assume I have an office?
[CUTS TO RV AND DOGMAN IN AN OFFICE]
Dogman: So you determine what happens in the universe?
RV: Yes I do, I am the reason for Petey’s recent rampages, your silly quest for the Orb, and of course Officer Knight’s death.
Dogman: Wait? You're telling me you could have made Knight survive and you decided NOT to?
RV: What, it builds character.
[DOGMAN HOLDS THE GUN WITH HIS MOUTH AND POINTS IT TO RV]
RV: Dogman, you are literally pointing a gun at the head of the creator of reality itself.
Dogman: I DON’T CARE! GIVE ME MY HANDS BACK!
RV: Fine. *Snaps fingers and gives Dogman hands*
Dogman: I VOW TO DESTROY YOUR LITTLE GAME AKA THE UNIVERSE!
RV: Alright, I am literally a god, here is your ticket back to earth to make the most self inflicted defeat known to man.
[RV SNAPS HIS FINGERS AGAIN, SENDING DOGMAN TO EARTH]
Dogman: Oh I can still talk, well it’s time to end the world!
[DOGMAN WALKS ON AS EARTH’S ROTATION GOES FASTER AND FASTER, BUT IT DOESN’T EFFECT DOGMAN]
Petey: HEY DOGMAN! I STILL HAVE A HAMMER! I STILL HAVE A HAM-*Gets head cut off by Dogman*
Dogman: Finally, someone to talk to. I have a WILD story.
Petey: Explain.
Dogman: So I got high off of Cosmic Fumes ya know?
Petey: Okay?
Dogman: And realized that reality is being controlled by some insane god.
Petey: Your point being?
Dogman: So I am going to end reality by making the earth rotate so fast that the earth explodes.
Petey: WAIT! NO!
Dogman: You are a talking head, now let’s teleport to Okhay Ville.
[DOGMAN TELAPORTS TO OKHAY VILLE WHERE CAPTAIN REXX IS DRUNK AND DRINKING MILK]
Captain Rexx: One Fish *Drinks milk* Two Fish.
Dogman: *Teleports* We need your help.
Captain Rexx: What is it?
Dogman: Do you perhaps notice a yellow helmet with a red button?
Captain Rexx: I guess?
Dogman: Well press it.
Captain Rexx: Okay? *Presses it, causing the earth to go faster*
Dogman: Do it again.
[CAPTAIN REXX PUSHES THE BUTTON]
Dogman: Again!
[CAPTAIN REXX PUSHES THE BUTTON]
Dogman: AGAIN!
[CAPTAIN REXX PUSHES IT THE BUTTON]
Petey: STOP! YOU JUST CAN’T END THE EARTH LIKE THIS *Dogman drops Petey onto earth as it speeds up, causing Petey to fly into space*
Dogman: PUSH UNTIL EARTH EXPLODES!!!!!
[CUTS TO A MONTAGE OF DOGMAN COMMANDING CAPTAIN REXX TO PUSH THE BUTTON MORE, EVEN MAKING NEW HELMETS FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO PRESS]
Victor: What about me?
Dogman: Oh you're too cool to die. *Pushes Victor into space*
[THE EARTH IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE]
Dogman: EVERYONE STOP!
Captain Rexx: We don’t have to push the buttons anymore?
Dogman: No, I just got to push the button!
[DOGMAN PUSHES THE BUTTON, CAUSING EARTH TO EXPLODE AND EVERYONE TO DIE, FORMING A CONSTELLATION OF DOGMAN, BEFORE BLANK SLATE NOTICES EARTH]
Blank Slate: On my one day off *Snaps his fingers, reconstructing the earth*
[THREE DAYS LATER]
[DOGMAN, CHIEF, AND SARAH HATOFF ARE FARMING TO MAKE MONEY]
Chief: Glad we were able to prevent the extinction of the human race.
Dogman: BARK!
Sarah Hatoff: Yep, we don’t have to worry about anything anymore all thanks to.
[VICTOR SHOWS UP IN HIS CHAINSAW RIG COSTUME]
Singer: CHAINSAW RIG!
[CREDITS ROLL]
[START OF POST CREDIT SCENE]
[AN OLD VICTOR WITH A LONG BEARD CLOSES A BOOK AND TALKS TO A GROUP OF LITTLE KIDS]
Victor: And that’s why Earth hasn’t revolved in decades. Any questions?
Kid: I have a hard time believing that this story actually happened.
[VICTOR USES HIS ELECTRIC FINGERS TO TURN THE KID INTO A PILE OF ASH]
Victor: Any questions?
[END OF POST CREDIT SCENE]